Archive for July, 2006

Ode to a nightingale.

“………Darkling I listen; and, for many a time
I have been half in love with easeful Death,
Call’d him soft names in many a mused rhyme,
To take into the air my quiet breath;
Now more than ever seems it rich to die,
To cease upon the midnight with no pain,
While thou art pouring forth thy soul abroad
In such an ecstasy!
Still wouldst thou sing, and I have ears in vain -
To thy high requiem become a sod.

Thou wast not born for death, immortal Bird!
No hungry generations tread thee down;
The voice I hear this passing night was heard
In ancient days by emperor and clown:
Perhaps the self-same song that found a path
Through the sad heart of Ruth, when, sick for home,
She stood in tears amid the alien corn;
The same that oft-times hath
Charm’d magic casements, opening on the foam
Of perilous seas, in faery lands forlorn.

Forlorn! the very word is like a bell
To toll me back from thee to my sole self!
Adieu! the fancy cannot cheat so well
As she is fam’d to do, deceiving elf.
Adieu! adieu! thy plaintive anthem fades
Past the near meadows, over the still stream,
Up the hill-side; and now ’tis buried deep
In the next valley-glades:
Was it a vision, or a waking dream?

Fled is that music: – Do I wake or sleep?…..”

-John Keats

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Love

I watched house of flying daggers again tonight and I have no idea why because whenever I watch that film it just makes me cry and depresses me.

But I love it so I have to watch it, being the romantic that I am.

But it does depress me. The fact that I’ve never known this kind of love. I’ve never known movie love. The stuff of fairy tales.

I think I’ve started to believe that this sort of love is impossible, which makes me feel really helpless, actually.

I’m so addicted to love. I know I’ll never settle for anything less than it in all it’s purity. In it’s complicated, inconvenient, consuming, often forbidding form.

The reality is that it always seems to be on edge of this line that I cant pass, as though I’m seeing it all around me and cant have it for myself.

Some people I know don’t really care that much for it. It almost seems as though they are incapable of love. How sad is that? How can they not be amazed at what it does to you? The feeling of placing someone else’s life above your own. In my opinion the best way to die would be for love. What is more tragic and beautiful than that? Then again I’m quite naïve.

Sometimes I’m scared that I’ll never really know true love and then my life would have been for nothing, because to me that feeling… it’s everything.

Maybe I’m just a child saying childish things. I sometimes wonder whether people should listen to anything I say, as none of it is based on reality.

When I have fears

When I have fears that I may cease to be
Before my pen has glean’d my teeming brain,
Before high-piled books, in charactery,
Hold like rich garners the full ripen’d grain;
When I behold, upon the night’s starr’d face,
Huge cloudy symbols of a high romance,
And think that I may never live to trace
Their shadows, with the magic hand of chance;
And when I feel, fair creature of an hour,
That I shall never look upon thee more,
Never have relish in the faery power
Of unreflecting love;–then on the shore
Of the wide world I stand alone, and think
Till love and fame to nothingness do sink.

-John Keats

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Ignorance

Strange to know nothing, never to be sure

of what is true or right or real,

but forced to qualify or so I feel,

Or well, it does seem so:

someone must know.

Strange to be ignorant of the way things work:

Their skill at finding what they need,

Their sense of shape, and punctual spread of seed,

And willingness to change;

Yes, it’s strange.

Even to wear such knowledge – for our flesh

Surrounds us with it’s own decisions-

And yet spend all our life on imprecisions,

That when we start to die

Have no idea why.

-Phillip Larkin

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