Archive for Literature

Ode to a nightingale.

“………Darkling I listen; and, for many a time
I have been half in love with easeful Death,
Call’d him soft names in many a mused rhyme,
To take into the air my quiet breath;
Now more than ever seems it rich to die,
To cease upon the midnight with no pain,
While thou art pouring forth thy soul abroad
In such an ecstasy!
Still wouldst thou sing, and I have ears in vain -
To thy high requiem become a sod.

Thou wast not born for death, immortal Bird!
No hungry generations tread thee down;
The voice I hear this passing night was heard
In ancient days by emperor and clown:
Perhaps the self-same song that found a path
Through the sad heart of Ruth, when, sick for home,
She stood in tears amid the alien corn;
The same that oft-times hath
Charm’d magic casements, opening on the foam
Of perilous seas, in faery lands forlorn.

Forlorn! the very word is like a bell
To toll me back from thee to my sole self!
Adieu! the fancy cannot cheat so well
As she is fam’d to do, deceiving elf.
Adieu! adieu! thy plaintive anthem fades
Past the near meadows, over the still stream,
Up the hill-side; and now ’tis buried deep
In the next valley-glades:
Was it a vision, or a waking dream?

Fled is that music: – Do I wake or sleep?…..”

-John Keats

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Love

I watched house of flying daggers again tonight and I have no idea why because whenever I watch that film it just makes me cry and depresses me.

But I love it so I have to watch it, being the romantic that I am.

But it does depress me. The fact that I’ve never known this kind of love. I’ve never known movie love. The stuff of fairy tales.

I think I’ve started to believe that this sort of love is impossible, which makes me feel really helpless, actually.

I’m so addicted to love. I know I’ll never settle for anything less than it in all it’s purity. In it’s complicated, inconvenient, consuming, often forbidding form.

The reality is that it always seems to be on edge of this line that I cant pass, as though I’m seeing it all around me and cant have it for myself.

Some people I know don’t really care that much for it. It almost seems as though they are incapable of love. How sad is that? How can they not be amazed at what it does to you? The feeling of placing someone else’s life above your own. In my opinion the best way to die would be for love. What is more tragic and beautiful than that? Then again I’m quite naïve.

Sometimes I’m scared that I’ll never really know true love and then my life would have been for nothing, because to me that feeling… it’s everything.

Maybe I’m just a child saying childish things. I sometimes wonder whether people should listen to anything I say, as none of it is based on reality.

When I have fears

When I have fears that I may cease to be
Before my pen has glean’d my teeming brain,
Before high-piled books, in charactery,
Hold like rich garners the full ripen’d grain;
When I behold, upon the night’s starr’d face,
Huge cloudy symbols of a high romance,
And think that I may never live to trace
Their shadows, with the magic hand of chance;
And when I feel, fair creature of an hour,
That I shall never look upon thee more,
Never have relish in the faery power
Of unreflecting love;–then on the shore
Of the wide world I stand alone, and think
Till love and fame to nothingness do sink.

-John Keats

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Ignorance

Strange to know nothing, never to be sure

of what is true or right or real,

but forced to qualify or so I feel,

Or well, it does seem so:

someone must know.

Strange to be ignorant of the way things work:

Their skill at finding what they need,

Their sense of shape, and punctual spread of seed,

And willingness to change;

Yes, it’s strange.

Even to wear such knowledge – for our flesh

Surrounds us with it’s own decisions-

And yet spend all our life on imprecisions,

That when we start to die

Have no idea why.

-Phillip Larkin

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The Bell Jar

I just finished reading the Bell Jar by Sylvia plath. I had never considered reading this book before. I thought that Plath was purely for literary intellects who had nothing better to do but sit in coffee shops with their books, looking important. I quite like the book so far though. It reminds me of how I often think. There are particular paragraphs in it so far that I have enjoyed for various reasons.

"There is something demoralizing about watching two people get more and more crazy about each other, especially when you are the only extra person in the room. It’s like watching Paris from an express caboose heading in the opposite direction – Every second the city gets smaller and smaller, only you feel it's really you getting smaller and smaller and lonelier and lonelier, rushing away from all those lights and that excitement at about a million miles an hour"

This pretty much sums up how I feel when I look at everyone else, my friends around me, people in the street, all couples. It's as though the whole world has been paired off and they left an odd one out. It's like when you get put into pairs in your lectures and there's one left over and you end up with the teacher. It seems the same with relationships. I have to sit here, watching my friends with their loves and complete strangers holding hands and whispering in each others ear, making me feel invisible. It's like some secret society I desperately want to be a part of. I sit around watching all of the pairings hoping that there is someone feeling as lonely and desolate as I do, some mildly attractive, most likely boring man that I have to settle for because the normal dating rules don't apply to me.

"I opened the door and blinked out into the bright hall. I had the impression that it wasn't night and it wasn't day but some third interval that had suddenly slipped between them and would never end"

My haven. The time in which people know the least about each other. When we are merely silhouettes in the tarnished light of the sky. Eyes connect with each other from across a croweded room. A time where we are able to dissolve into the atmosphere and forget we exist.

[Unfinished] 

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